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Feb. 12th, 2017

idleleaves: (canadian mittens)
– I do still exist. I promise! I need to be here more. I spend much more time on Tumblr, these days, which is surprising even to me.

– Still off work. My return date is creeping ever-closer, though – I have less the a month to go. Two weeks until my next doctor's appointment, when we'll sign off on the papers I need to go back. I just hope my mind and body are both ready for it, because I know the consequences of starting before I can handle it. I have very few options left if I can't.

– Lir has learned to flush the toilet and keeps doing it at every opportunity. Sigh. He keeps waking me up in a panic at night because I think someone's in the house.

– Speaking of the house, I'm finally moving out of it. When my parents told me to get out so they could sell in the spring, my first reaction was panic. Work's been so on-and-off that living here rent-free (paying all the utilities and taxes, of course) has saved my butt more than once. But it's time to move on, and regardless of the resulting financial strain I think it's going to be a positive thing for me. There are so many memories, in this house, and most of them aren't good; plus, since I moved here my parents have been blaming me for all the things they neglected (and 'neglect' firmly sums up their treatment of this house even while they lived here) to fix before they moved out. Having my own place again will be a relief, if nothing else. Maybe I can find some peace, again.

– I'm wearing pajamas with a raccoon hood, complete with stick-up ears and a tail on the back. Living alone means nobody can tell me to act my age. Pfft.

– I've been angsting over writing even more than usual, lately. It seems the only way I can avoid my inner critic shaming me into not being able to get words on a page, right now, is to make myself tired enough for her to quiet down. It's a particular sort of timing – it's when I've stayed up past the time I'd usually go to bed, when I've gone through the gah-so-tired-must-sleep phase and into my second wind, and then I manage to write – slowly, but that's my usual speed – until I can't prop my eyes open any longer. Last night I didn't even start writing until 2am. Blargh. It's just absolutely ridiculous that I should have this many issues tied up in fic-writing, ffs.


idleleaves: (Default)
Idle Leaves