to unpathed waters, undreamed shores

I still exist! Really. Life has been... hmm. A lot of ups and downs, but I think that's par for the course considering what the past couple of years, world-wide, have been like.

But. On a positive note: It's bonkers what proper medication can do.

So I've recently learned that it's shockingly common for girls and women with inattentive-type ADHD to fly under the radar, so to speak, during childhood and not be diagnosed until their 30s or 40s.

I'm one of those women. Diagnosed six weeks ago. I've been on meds for five of those weeks. They are life-altering, and I say that without hyperbole. I've struggled so hard and for so long to be a human, and all along there was this other thing that I'd never even considered until a medical student did the most thorough health history I've ever had done in my life.

Inattentive-type ADHD explains so much, people. So much. I'm starting to feel less like a failure and more like a person who just needs some help with neurotransmitters to get things working properly. And things are working properly. I don't think I've actually felt this good in years.

Unfortunately things aren't so great on the work front. The hospital decided that since I'm chronically ill, I deserve to have my full-time position cut down to two days per week. Which means I need a second job. Or, preferably, a brand new job in a different city.

I'm also currently extremely pissed at Instagram for taking down my account due to some nebulous terms & conditions violation that has never been specified. I was just starting to really get a foothold in the sewing community, and now I have to start from scratch. If I only had a few followers I'd message them from the new account, but I had about 1k and that's too many to contact.

I'm in the middle of setting up a small Etsy shop, too. I'm selling cotton skirts and scrunchies, with a few dog bandanas in there as well. The skirts are knee-length gathered-front-elastic-back and they have pockets, because of course they do. I'm able to do custom sizing with no upper or lower limit, too, and no extra cost for larger sizes.

✿ I fell down the stairs at work and sprained my hip. Am off for a couple of weeks, until the end of December, while it heals. I live in a walk-up apartment building and can't get anywhere without crutches, so... that's going to be interesting. I had a friend pick up my prescriptions today, but I don't like to depend on people for too much so I'm trying to figure out ways to do errands and such myself. Here at home I'm mostly nesting in the blanket fort I've made out of the sofa.

✿ I wrote two Reynir/Onni ficlets - Every Beautiful Thing and Here, Alone - to add to my ongoing SSSS ficlet collection. I also started Faith Like Wings, a Good Omens ficlet collection. I have one collection for each fandom, just for those little snippets that are too short to really be posted on their own. The Ineffable Kink Discord server (for people who lurk around the kink meme) denizens are wonderfully encouraging, so there'll be more added to the GO one sooner rather than later.

✿ Last year, in April, I stopped one of my psych drugs (with the agreement of my doc) because I didn't feel it was doing much for me. Coincidentally, that month I also posted the last ficlet I'd written until November of this year. I've had a few medication changes since then and on the whole I'm doing much better, but I'm wondering, really, if it was a coincidence after all, because in October we added that same drug back into the mix again. And now I'm able to write again. Hmm.

I've really been having trouble getting words on the page, lately; part of it is that I'm rusty from a year or so away, but most of it is that any small amount of confidence I had before is gone. I decided that writing a few snippets for anon prompt memes might be a good way to ease myself back into things - but so far they've gone over like lead balloons, so now I'm feeling worse about my writing than I even though possible. Ugh.

Every time I take a break from writing (it's always health reasons - sometimes my brain just cannot form words for months on end) I always fear that I've broken something inside my head that'll never be fixed again.

On a better note, my computer situation is sorted - the desktop is well and truly dead, but a friend had a nearly-new laptop she wanted to sell and offered it to me with an agreement to pay monthly instead of all at once, making it actually affordable for me right now.

I forgot how nice having a portable computer is, really. I'm currently on the sofa in a nest of blankets and pillows and oh, it's comfortable.

I posted this on Tumblr last night but I'm posting it again here because... because akijsdl;fkjas. Yep. That's the reason.

Okay, but seriously, I’ve written in sizeable and/or fast-moving fandoms before. I’ve managed, before, to carve out a little space for myself where my mostly-mediocre words fit, and to be content with that. So what is it, exactly, about Good Omens fandom that’s spooked me to the point that I can’t seem to get past the scribble-a-few-notes stage on anything I want to write?

It probably doesn’t help that, at the moment, I don’t really know anyone who would absolutely want to hear me yammer on about ideas. That’s always been such a crucial part of fandom and ficcing, to me.

*slaps fic-notes with a five-pound river-dwelling rainbow trout* Urgh.

Not sure why I didn't choose a lake trout. They're bigger.

Hmph.

So Thanksgiving is tomorrow for those of us in Canada. I have the day off, and I also took last Thursday and Friday as vacation days to make myself a five-day weekend. Unfortunately I've spent the better part of my extended weekend either panicked, exhausted, migraine-y, or all three. Not what I'd hoped for. I'd printed and assembled quite a few sewing patterns in anticipation, and I've barely touched them. And writing, well. *points up*

I still have the rest of today and tomorrow, though, so I'm going to do what I can to make that time count. I hate feeling like I've 'wasted' time.

On a side note, I'm seriously considering trying to put together a book called Shit My Cat Does (in the same vein as Shit My Dad Says). I mean, Parker is a complete lunatic and Finn, Liam, and Autumn aren't far behind. I made them an Instagram account (https://www.instagram.com/fur.for.brains if you're interested) a couple of weeks ago and it's already got more followers than my personal account has after four years.

I also put my holiday card call up on Tumblr. Yes, already. I send cards all over the world so I need to get my arse organised early.

Right, well. I'm going to go do one of two things - continue to fight with fic, or continue to organise the studio/sewing room.